Seriously — what now?

It's over 80 degrees today. On October 13th.

That's as close to an analogy as I can get for my summer stretching its bones and cracking its knuckles.

I finished up a writing and VoiceOver job a few weeks ago. It provided some normalcy during a pretty, not normal time.

Since then, I've been applying, resting, camping and applying again. A monotonous dance to that classic, post-grad summer tune. And don't forget the ginger beer -- it is oh so delicious.

Departure from school was a welcome, albeit, difficult change. I'm realizing how much I depend on a constant stream of stimuli and tasks to worry about. My goal for these past few weeks? Stop worrying.

I recently watched "Wild, Wild Country" on Netflix. A quote from Osho stood out to me:

"I don't think existence wants you to be serious. I have not seen a serious tree. I have not seen a serious bird. I have not seen a serious sunrise. I have not seen a serious starry night. It seems they are all laughing in their own ways, dancing in their own ways. We may not understand it, but there is a subtle feeling that the whole existence is a celebration."

I remember a conversation I had with a friend of mine a few weeks ago who gets excited about -- well -- everything. They're dynamic, brilliant, energetic, and uncompromisingly kind. Being around them is just as close to easy as you can get. And so, their profession matches this wonderful concoction of characteristics: they teach middle schoolers.

We got into a conversation about art, movies, film, and the things that fall between those cracks. Stumbling through my thoughts and words, I settled on the word "serious".

"Things feel serious right now."

The acting program I had just finished felt a bit too serious for me near the end there. I had this weird dissonance operating in me for a while because of it. After all, what is serious acting? Is that even a thing?

If it is, it doesn't sound very fun. But, I've done plenty of serious acting before. But does that make me a serious actor?

Right now, I don't know if I'm serious about acting.

Seriously.

But really -- I don't know what the answer to that question is. Maybe it's worth letting go of for a bit. Put some newfound trust in the not serious trees and not serious sunsets.

In the meantime? I'm working on a model car right now. You know -- the small kind. I found it thrifting in Spokane. Meticulous work, painting and using tweezers to glue pieces of an engine in place.

I'm running as much as I can. Trying not to grind my knees too much. Turns out kicking my butt is kicking my butt. I'm listening to music religiously. I can barely listen to a song more than a few times before it starts to remind me of itself. Still hopelessly addicted to green onion. I haven't touched my camera in a few months. I have a short film on my computer that I've been waiting to share. I don't know why it's still cooking on my desktop. It's about time to let it come up for some air. I want to be writing more. I want to be sleeping less. I found more jackets than I know what to do with here. It's 81 degrees anyways. I can't even wear them.

This isn't an unhappy time. I'm in a peaceful place. Fine -- I'll say it. An unserious place.

Until next time, and with many ginger beers in between.

— pd